


Let me go on

by AdmiralKatCornwellfan



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode Fix-It: s07e25 Endgame (Star Trek: Voyager), F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:47:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21644719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdmiralKatCornwellfan/pseuds/AdmiralKatCornwellfan
Summary: "...and in a faraway day,my memories will evantuallyhave mercy on meand let me go on."-fickledjoy-
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway, Chakotay/Seven of Nine (mentioned)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	Let me go on

**Author's Note:**

> A small present from me to all of my wonderful online friends.

He thought getting distant would make him feel something. But the numbness he felt after Quarra had been the final blow to the faint flame of hope he desperately nursed after his journey into Shattered timeframes of Voyager. He was finally getting tired of the deep ache in his heart and the numbness that had crushed him to the point of being first officer and nothing more. 

The limbo of being oscillated between having what he desired most and the crushing blow of not having it, the faint hope, was his curse. yet it was his salvation. He remembered the smiles, glances, touches, and words exchanged and those Memories wrapped tight around his heart, obscuring his freedom, yet bringing him the peace at the same time.  
Time passed as he felt his heart being slowly Frozen, unable to feel, to love and to move. It was his purgatory and it was his cross to bear alone.  
  
And of all people to chip that ice, he never counted on Seven. He had encouraged her to seek companionship amongst the crew and the fact that she chose him, actually chose him without anything in return amazed him. It felt nice for a while to be wanted, to be part of something even if his instincts told him this was wrong. but even Seven could not chase away the chill, the icy coldness with her rare smiles, her attempts at romance or the picnics on cargo bay.

He thought it was enough. At the end of the day, there was someone pleased to see him. who would not close off and build walls when he showed up with roses. perhaps with Some time, this will be what he always wanted. Comfortable and uncomplicated.  
  
someday soon, his memory will have mercy on him and let him go. He trampled his own inner voice that kept telling him this was not what that is right. Instead, he wanted to be selfish. for once, he is moving out from Pain and silent rejection and stone-walling. So much so, he didn't bat one eye when he called in for a raincheck on HER, one person he spent years to agree to share meals with him. And much to his shame later, he didn't feel anything that moment. Only a sense of jealous pride that he finally had something other than her to focus on.  
  
But with the arrival of the Admiral, it all went to hell. One look from her, one familiar crooked smile directed at him, the proverbial sunshine thawing his icy heart, working with her side by side and her smile towards him not controlled like his Kathryn's, he rediscovered what he let go so soon. He had promised her a lifetime, to grow old together side by side, to lighten up her burdens but here he was, forgetting his pledge and his honor.  
  
He had come to end things with Seven. to apologize but her unemotional words, trying to break up with him had aroused his wounded pride and ego like a poisonous snake. He was angry yet another version of Kathryn was trying to meddle with his life. It was his life to do as he pleased. not hers, not anymore. In a haze of anger and Pride, his weakness he begged Seven not to leave him. Not his proudest moment whatsoever. The truth was, he was afraid to be heartbroken again, to be used and thrown out like Some unwanted husk.  
  
But It took him so long to realize he never had his heart with him for these Past Seven years. It was all hers. and that wounded, betrayed look in Kathryn's eyes when he truly forsaken her and abandon her side at her triumphant moment and her husky voice calling him a title she never used, cutting him off from her side, releasing him from a long-ago handclasp, made him realize the truth.  
  
He was nothing without her. And his home was, is and forever will be by her side.  
  
And he knew with clarity that he had forsaken the only home he knew and he will ever have for something as fickle as his wounded pride. and the cries of the newborn babe resonated in his ears, a painful reminder of all those long-ago dreams he had. He thought he had let go of them but those faint wisps of dreams had him, just like the woman he loved for so long.  
He took the abandoned pilot seat and her words reach his ears as if he was submerged in water.  
  
'set a course, for home'.  
  
And for her, and for them, he will. He will set the path right, the path both of them have wandered from. He will make things right, for there is No universe where he won't be anywhere but her side.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the following [Tumblr conversation](https://admiralkatcornwellfan.tumblr.com/post/186566811740/you-absolutely-cannot-tell-me-that-this-woman-is) .


End file.
